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Mental Health

Is overrated.
I've taken charge of it over the last month or so by seeing a new family practicioner, homeopathic and ended up back with my gyn today.    Talk about beating a dead horse.  
In those 3 people I was prescribed a new drug that didn't touch what was wrong with me, told that I am anal retentive and that is a big reason I have PMDD as well as constipation issues....today though.....today I saw a glimmer of a light....and although I have to go in a door, down a tunnel, along a hallway and up some stairs.....there is a light and I saw it for a brief moment.   
I saw my gyno. (the one who delivered my babies)  It was just for an annual.   An appointment I made over a year ago.   Yes, she's that good that she books out over a year - then you are put on a waitlist and then wait for a call 2 days prior that confirms your appointment. :)
She suggested a different medication from the one prescribed by my new doctor.   She has a bit of a history with me and that helps.
She suggested that I see a psychiatrist.    I said, "do you think that I'm that screwed up (nervously laughing)?"
She said that if this medication doesn't work, there are options that require a couple of medications and that it should be prescribed by someone that specializes in this sort of thing.
She also made mention of a possible ablation or hysterectomy (totally unrelated to the PMDD as it wouldn't do anything to the hormones) but boy did that light shine oh so bright and I drifted off to a beautiful place where I would never have to bleed brown or red blood for 3 weeks out of the month AGAIN ! 
   
I left and felt relief in the form of yet another little blue or pink or white with blue stripes pills with names that don't make me nervous anymore...because I am that desperate. 

I was tucking my big boys into bed earlier this week.   I apologized, AGAIN, and told them that tomorrow would be a better day.   Cameron said in his sweetest most optimistic voice, "yeah mom, tomorrow will be better and I won't be afraid of you tomorrow." 
(imagine, the self inflicted stab wound now being penetrated even further into my chest cavity)
It still breaks my heart.  

Hopefully the Jekyll and Hyde, Jekyll and Hyde, Hyde, Hyde, Hyde, Jekyll and Hyde will go away and my children can stop looking at my face to determine how they are going to approach me.   Whose it going to be this time. 

Bless you pharmacutical drugs.   Bless you.  (oh and please work) 
Much love,
Late bloomer but new supporter, Me !
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