arach-no-phobia

I have to believe that I am more afraid of spiders than anyone.   For real.
If I saw a spider it would almost paralyze me with fear.   I would yell as if the ax murderer was standing there, climb against whatever piece of furniture was close all the while screaming for J to come and kill it.   (note- if you want to kill a spider you have to make sure you smash it until it's legs fall off...otherwise it might just get up and run after a few minutes)

I have NEVER understood how J could just get a tissue and squeeze the spider between her fingers......(CHILLS UP MY SPINE)  I am SO getting the creepy crawlies writing this post.
I remember this HUGE GIGANTIC spider was on the ceiling.   J came in to dispose of it only because she's short and the ceiling is. well tall. she missed and the damn thing dropped.  She stomped her foot over and over to get him...but the damn thing got away.  OMG.  I didn't go in that room the rest of the day and then even when I did go in I wore shoes, put my feet up on the desk and constantly looked in the corner of my eye for it.  

I realized this fear could affect my kids.  I decided that instead of making them fear spiders, I would hold it together and let them experience spiders and decide for themselves if they were afraid of the creepy 8 legged man eating creatures.    See if I couldn't prevent 5 future arachnophobes.
I blogged about it here and here.  (funny that the first blog was about J being out of town.  Shit she sure is out of town a lot.  she comes home today)

Any ways.  Since then I have taught my kids that we only kill spiders if we don't know their names.   I let them decide if we know their name or not.  If they do know their name, which is most of the time, we watch them and catch them and let them go outside.

I found out how important spiders are.  They kill bugs that kill my plants.   They kill flies and gnats.   They really are wonderful little things.
I have made peace with them in some strange way.
I have tried to teach my kids that we don't kill things that live outside.   That's their home.   Now I can spread "ant food" and "snail food" and "rolly polly food" and "any other kind of plant killing bug food"
But that's just to feed them :)
I go on spider and bug hunts with my kids.   We catch them in jars.   I can now hold the container with my bare naked hand and catch them.   If they run towards my hand I know it's because the thing is trying to hide...it's not trying to kill me.
I was pulling weeds yesterday and was able to touch spiders with gloves on my hands.
DO YOU HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING PEOPLE ! TOUCH.  I TOUCHED one.
(exhale)
I couldn't even touch the spiders in books a couple of years ago.  I would wince at the pictures in a book they freaked me out so bad.
I have come so far.
Go me !

Spencer will pick up and handle most things.  including spiders.  another thing I've had to come to grips with.
This poor thing had been rolled and squeezed with tiny little fingers.  I'm not sure if he was playing dead here or was in fact taking his last breath.
Good night sweet spider.

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