What I've learned being a mother of five...

That Mr. Clean's Magic Eraser will damn near clean up ANYTHING. Including permanent black sharpie marker off of maple cabinets. It however doesn't clean up colored candle wax from wood.

That it isn't necessary to change a diaper regularly, you can REALLY get your moneys worth if you wait the appropriate amount of time. The appropriate amount of time is something that takes finesse and comes with experience and has to be judged very carefully or you end up changing clothes.

That a binky can not only be dropped on the ground but then dragged several feet, stepped on, picked up with dirty toddler hands and placed back in to the babies mouth, without causing serious illness or death to said infant.

That a child with a fever is just a warmer than normal child and doesn't require a call to the doctor.

Same thing applies to a child with liquid like bile coming out of their orifices. Tylenol every 4-6 hours

A child can fall several feet landing on what must have been their head by the sound of the thud and the shake of the floor and it usually doesn't cause a concussion. No dilated eyes, no throwing up, no skull fractures...just a scare, headache oh and the child is visibly upset too.

A child can fall asleep at 5:39 pm and not even the Texas State Bobcat marching band could wake them up, but if it's 12:30 pm a slight creek on the wrong floor board and everyone's WIDE AWAKE !

It only takes one child to bring bacteria and germs home and infestation will no doubt plague the 4 healthy children. (reminder : Tylenol every 4-6 hours)

There will always be at least one, but usually 3 bitching and complaining.

There is always a full garbage to take out somewhere.

There is always a load of laundry to do. Even if you have to peel off the stanky ass clothes you yourself have been wearing for the last 4 days to top of a load.

Black clothing is the ONLY thing that will hide all of the puffs and lumps from having five kids but will also show and attract every streak of snot spit and small amounts of leftover milk excreted from your child's face. After 5 kids you don't care.

There's never enough hot water or clean onsies, you run out of milk and patience about the same time every day.....but there's always ample amounts of love and self sacrificing to go around.

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