Just like that and he's gone. He left a wife and 4 little kids....his oldest just celebrated her 8th birthday a couple of weeks ago her youngest is 1.
Ashley is a woman with a very strong faith system. I'm certain that with the help of her family and the church she will be fine.
I always fear "the call" and we've never really had "the call" in our family. I keep waiting for the shoe to drop.
I see families tragically ripped apart by cancer and car accidents. I'm the one who always asks the question...why not my family ? Why theirs ? It all seems so random, so how is it that we have missed the ax. Not that I want something to happen to my family....heavens no. I just hate being afraid of it. I constantly ask myself if this is just my mind, or if it's a sign of something to come, a mothers/womans intuition. Is, that I sense something is going to happen mean that it's going to happen ?
Do you ever think, while driving down the freeway. Hmm ? What if I were in a car accident RIGHT now ? Lets see, I have Syd in the car with me. The boys would lose their mother and their sister. ugh. Or, if I have all of the kids and I think....what if I crashed and 3 of us died. Or, 3 of them died. Or, I died.
I think about J, and how life would be for her. Would they remember anything. Would they remember me.
I wonder if my cousin thought about it. I wonder if she played scenario's out in her head of what it would be like alone, to raise all of those kids without their dad. They will never really know what a great man he was....they are all so young.
I hate that I even think about this stuff. I can't seem to stop the thoughts from coming.
When I was little we lived by a woman who was SOOO-OH-OH protective of her only child. She was a single mom and wouldn't let her out of her sight. She was 8 or 9 ? One day the mother let her walk to her piano teachers house to deliver some papers. At the same time a kid that was in my classes brother was aiming a gun out the window at her head thinking it was unloaded and BAM. Just like that she was gone. All of that worry. All of that protection. None of it saved this little girl or her poor mother, who ended up in the psych ward and nobody knows what ever became of her.
It's because of stories like this that I think...shit...maybe this mother had the intuition. Maybe I have it too.
I remember getting an email from Ashley a few months ago....Getting to know you....or something like that. There was a question on it that asked, When was the last time you cried ? Her response was...this morning when Dustin left for work for 4 days. (his work took him away for a few days at a time) She hated it when he was gone and now he's gone forever.
And now it's just her.
She has a teaching degree. I'm thinking she'll move back to Utah, to be closer to her family. Get a job.
My heart just breaks for her. You work and build and work and build and work and it all unravels in a matter of seconds. (snap) Hi, Mrs. M. I need you to have a family member or friend bring you to the hospital. There's been an accident.
It's these moments when you should feel like wrapping your arms around your loved ones and feeling blessed for having them. So why does it just leave me feeling sad and more scared ? Just waiting for that impending shoe. I can't lose them. Not one of them. I fear I could never get over it. How will she ever get over it.
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