THERAPY!!!

I hate when I start telling a therapist my story and all of a sudden I start to cry. Its SO embarrassing. I've cried about these things so many times...and I'm FINE I really am OVER them, but when someone looks at me with big eyes and says, "Where's that sadness coming from?" BAM!!! TEARS! Its like when you fall down and your actually okay, but someone says, "OH, YOU POOR THING! THAT MUST HAVE HURT!!!" All of a sudden you start to feel sorry for yourself. Tina started though, which I'll blame her for the tears, because she melted my heart when I saw how much pain my family has caused her, which could have been prevented by ME if I learned to NOT share the things that make me insecure with my family.

Today I was validated that boundaries need to be established. I also learned that I have the power to stop it.

I learned that I need to trust in my own decisions and not care what my family thinks because I don't have ANY control over what their reactions are going to be only how I choose to live my life.
I learned that I can't control the problems THEY own. I can only deal with MY own problems.
The therapist said that my relationship with my family is enmeshed and we are TOO close and I need to define my boundaries. She suggested working with me alone without Tina until I said, "HEY WAIT! Tina's got family problems too!!! Her family doesn't even know she's GAY or a new mother!!!" The therapist found it really interesting that Tina and I were coming from two different extremes. She said Tina was estranged and I was enmeshed, two unhealthy extremes of relationships! :)

At the end of the session she said we could keep seeing her together if we wanted. I like seeing her with Tina, because Tina and I can work as a team. Also, I can ask Tina to remind me of things the Therapist says, in case I forget...I tend to miss the details sometimes and Tina is an excellent sponge..she remembers all the details!

So, my insurance will let Tina and I each have 20 sessions a year for $50 bucks a session, unless our Therapist thinks we fall into the severe category and then its just 10 bucks. Um, how do you categorize this? I'll let you know what she thinks. Anyway, she was awesome. Our friends referred her to us...They went to couples counseling with her and she helped them a ton. She is on the gay friendly website. I think she's going to help us a lot. I already feel more motivated. I hate that I freakin have to cry the whole hour though. I feel like such a dork! Maybe as the therapy starts to work, I'll be able to actually carry on a conversation without blubbering about it.
Books she told me to read TOXIC PARENTS (a book my dad wanted me to read back in 1995 which totally bothered me at the time) and BOUNDARIES.

Oh by the way, my meeting with my mom went well earlier today...my mom was so excited to see Carly. She brought a book of pictures from when I was a baby for us to compare to Carly. I was such an obese baby! My mom overfed me so much...I'll post some of the pics when i get a chance!

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