5 Days Old!

PRETTY GIRL! We had so much fun together today. Carly was actually awake between feedings...so for about a three hour span. In that time we had a photo shoot and sang together and gave lots of kisses! She's SWEET! I can't get enough of her. She's also mastered breast feeding and my breasts have mastered producing milk. :) YEAH!!!

All was a great day until my mom wanted to come over and see Carly. We actually had a wonderful discussion about how great Carly is and it was fun sharing that with her. Then my mom had to go down the path... She wanted to let me know that she would have given us the money for the house, but she just didn't want us to be fighting and she wanted to make up first. I understood that, but since she was the one who picked the fight and she was the one who started bringing up EVERYTHING that she didn't like about everything, it told me that she was back pedaling out of her wanting to help us..to wanting to help us so we would basically OWE HER FOR LIFE. I just didn't have the energy at the time to deal with all that and I certainly noted the RED FLAG that she was throwing up, by behaving the way she did. She claims that all she wanted to do was be a part of the signing and be there with us, and she didn't know why I didn't want her there. I TOLD her that I was SO pregnant that I didn't think I was going to make it for the signing of the papers and there was no reason for her to be there. I don't know why I let myself get so frustrated when I talk to my her. Why can't I just detach? At the end of the conversation my mom kept telling me how much she loves me and how we need to move on and be a family. I felt so DRAINED. We had this EXACT conversation before Carly was born...to start over. My new start was to not let my mom interfere in my life anymore. With that, my mom was like, "Okay, I'll see you later!" As usual I felt rattled and Tina called and could hear that I had been crying, so she got upset. I kept thinking my mom would walk through the door at any minute, but they called and canceled. Tina came home after that and I was able to take a nice two hour nap! IT felt so good. Then we enjoyed this BEAUTIFUL meal that our friends prepared for us. They brought us salad, chicken, gravy, potatoes, bread and two kinds of cake for dessert! Unbelievable. Now, we're talking!
I am going to have to learn to end my conversations with my mom on the phone when it starts going down those paths. I need to learn to not participate in them, because they aren't solving anything. I need to start setting the example for Carly and be her pillar of strength.

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