Lies all of them lies.

I just want to apologize. I've some how found myself skewing the truth again.
I feel like I do it to make myself someone I'm not and then I just feel worse about myself because I am not who I say I am but really want to be her. and if I can't be her then I'll photoshop it to make it appear that I am her.
(whew)
Lets just start with this.
I was not fishing for compliments posting that picture.
I moved everything from the counter space in the cameras view to the other side so that it would appear clean.
I also took 8 pictures, after the first 3 I realized that if I pulled my sweater tight on the sides it would take on the illusion that there weren't any rolls there. Got rid of ma muffin top.
I won't compare myself to anyone but who I was before and I know that since I can't have her back I want to look like someone else. Maybe Charlize Theron. She goes from fat to skinny quite nicely and my wife has a small smash on her.

I took that picture because I wanted you to see what has grown to the front of me and also because it was the first time I had showered in a week.
If I'm lying may I be struck down with unreasonably miserable children....OH WAIT...that was for the lies before. Ok, if I'm lying now let me be struck down by some hideous skin tag under my right eye. no my left.

I feel like if I tell you the truth it comes across as bitching....and then that anonymous fucker will tell me to stop whining. If I tell you everything is all daisy's and chocolate covered anything, I'm not only lying but giving you the impression that I'm some super mom who can do it all.
Well fuck anonymous. The only thing I'm super is tired. The last couple of weeks have made me consider working full time outside of the house.
I think about having a drink every day. (I don't) but it's that I feel like I need one to calm down that I don't like.
If I didn't have this freakishly low heart rate I SWEAR I would have blood pressure problems.

Now I'm not saying that it's all bad. I'm just saying that every day there are times that are bad and that my house isn't clean (well it's clean right now but that won't last) and I'm fat(ter than I used to be) oh and I have no hair.
and I'm tired. I said that already. it needed to be said twice, cuz I'm FUCKING TIRED. emotionally, physically all of it.

I'm calling my doctor tomorrow. I think my pills have stopped working :)
(I smile but I'm serious)

I think that the only thing that would help me right now is food. Emotionally eating a really big, warm cinnamon roll from Village Baker would TOTALLY make all of the difference in the world.
Damn that sounds good.


***updated***
My wife brought me a cinnamon roll. oh yes she did. I immediately started to cry.
She saves my life every day. I love you honey.
I haven't eaten it yet. I feel slightly guilty AND I don't want to share it with my children. (evil smile)

You have read this article with the title Lies all of them lies.. You can bookmark this page URL https://playing-home.blogspot.com/2009/01/lies-all-of-them-lies.html. Thanks!