Our pediatrician has always asked questions about sleeping habits, eating habits and behavioral issues. She then asks how I address these issues. yes, part of her job.
When I explained the behavioral problems I am faced with, I of course did it with my dramatic flare. I'm not sure if that's why she felt offering up a different solution was in my best interest or not. (my children were fine during the appointment) Either way, once she did I told her that I choose not to spank. It was at this time the conversation went bad. She persisted on telling me things like...."well, if time outs aren't working..." and I would respond with....."in my opinion, spanking is not the answer" She would add, "if once you are calm and remove the child in to a different area and then spank them" and I was stunned by all of it.
She doesn't have children and I told myself that several times over the next few minutes. Not that it would change her opinion on spanking, just maybe passing it around as an option.
I am not going to tell you not to spank your kids...if you choose to spank. Each of us has the special job of raising our own kids. It's hard enough without someone telling you what to do. (that's what the Super Nanny is for:) There is plenty of advice to support both sides in many books and studies.
I will tell you...in my experience. There are kids out there that only need a swat once or twice in their lives and are taught a lesson. (not my children) The problem is....I think the spankers and the spanked who get it wrong are the ones who don't learn.
I was one of those kids.
I didn't learn a lesson that stopped the behavior. I kept screwing around at bedtime and wouldn't go to sleep. I still fought with my brothers. I still forgot to come home when I was supposed to. I still didn't do my chores, homework, and talked back sometimes.
These are ALL things that have to be taught OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. They are things that have to be perfected with time. Reminded time and time again. Spanking is not going to stop these things from happening.
An over tired and hungry child at the grocery store who chooses the produce section to release his frustration and exhaustion is a child who needs to be fed and put to bed. NOT spanked. (in my opinion) although it is hard to not want to beat the shit out of our children. it is our jobs not to beat the shit out of our children.
My kids have all been spanked. Sydney 3 times and Spencer and Cameron twice.
I am going to try to NEVER do it again.
I don't trust myself to not hit harder because they laughed at me when I spanked them initially. I KNOW that I would do it out of frustration and ANGER.
I know I would do it to control the situation and to gain control over them instead of teaching them to control themselves.
I am going to continue to try and teach them by example and hope to GOD that they figure it out one day. That after reminding them and reminding them and then BLOWING A GASKET...that they will learn to handle situations calmly 499,999 % of the time and then...and only then...can they too blow a gasket :)
My parents spanked us. They started with their hands. We had to count our ages and if we were crying too hard to count we got extra whacks. Once they didn't feel that was getting their point across they turned to kitchen utensils. once those were breaking and still not working we got belts and paint sticks.
I remember standing in my brothers room.....all 3 of us....picking out our belt. Deciding which would hurt less. (skinny=bad)
I remember after much consideration taking my brothers cloth karate belt in and my dad saying that wouldn't work and picking the skinny one for us. (I think I was 8)
I remember feeling sorry for my brothers who only moments ago I had wished for a slow demise and I remember going in to the bathroom afterwards, standing on the vanity and baring my red and welted ass to the mirror. and I remember hating them both for it. I remember losing trust in their love and fearing them more each and every time.
Now I know that this is not how spanking is in every one's house. I know that when most of you speak about spanking, you are talking a swat on the butt. I just don't want it to be the way it was for me in mine and I can't say that IF I allowed spanking that it wouldn't get worse and escalate into heads being banged on the walls and floors, faces being hit and kicks administered to get the point across because...you are too old to be spanked....and WHY are you still not listening to me after all of these years of beating on you. yes, even nice people can let it get out of control.
I think we are lucky to have options. A lot tend to use the...in the olden days we spanked and we lived. Which seems to be a big argument. My response has always been. We didn't use seat belts either....we smoked in rooms with children too. We learn and we change the rules. In my house the rule is. no spanking.
(oh and a little note. My parents, who bless their hearts choose not to remember a lot of the stuff that went on (selective memory) have since said that if they could change one thing they wouldn't have "spanked" us)
If this post wasn't compelling enough to stop you from spanking I will tell you this....I'm pretty sure that being spanked is what caused me to be gay. and to drink alcohol, dabble in drugs and smoke for those years way back when.
So if you don't want these TERRIBLE fates to happen to your kids....DON'T SPANK !
:) ha ha ha
just a little spanking humor
I leave you with a message. One that I plan on putting on my wall some how.
I say it to myself when my kids are a mess. When they are throwing tantrums and embarassing me and when they hurt others and are mean. I say it to myself when other people are mean and hurtful. It applies to everyone big and small.
sometimes
Those who deserve love the least. Need it the most.
amen.
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