Balancing Act, take 1 !

I have a 4 year old daughter who takes things quite literally, as I'm sure is the case with any 4 year old.
When people constantly tell her what a great helper she is, what a great big sister she is, what a big help she is for mom, she goes out of her way to prove them right.
There is some confusion however, her being 4 and all, about the limits and the definition of terms that comes with being a "big sister" and a "big help".
To her, it's just as good as being the "otha mother" or sometimes, the "bigger mother".
She yells and screams and puts her brothers unwillingly in time out. She tells them how to eat, who gets what color plate, cup, fork....no matter if I've already set the place settings in front of them, or if they wanted the place setting that was put before them. If they lay a blanket she corrects them, if they build a tower with couch cushions she moves them. It's her way or the highway and if it were safe I'd leave her on the highway most days.

The thing is. I really couldn't do it without her. She IS such a HUGE help to me. She holds screaming babies when I'm warming milk, making lunch or changing a big boy. She monitors her brothers and their handling of the babies. (she JUST said, "no buddy, no dinosaurs on the babies. It's a cute baby bud, but no")
If one of the boys has my camera for instance and I'm pumping and feeding babies, unable to get up...I can ask her to get it from them.
She has filled sippy cups, given banana's, pulled binky's down from the counter tops for me.
I don't know what I would do without her and yet to define the lines of her help is where I need help ?
I tell her all of the time...you are not the mommy honey. It's repeated more times than Golden Girls on Lifetime, and getting just as old.
Any ideas on getting rid of the mommy and keeping the helper part ?? My boys are OVER it. and honestly I'm over listening to the fighting.

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