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Ryan my beloved destroyer !

I have this HUGE slideshow in the works with all of the things Ryan has destroyed in his short life.  folders of pictures.
I was planning on showing it on or around his birthday.    Lately though.  Lately some things have happened and as with everything....a change was in order.
His actions haven't changed.   In fact.  they had only increased in size and numbers.    I found myself not really liking the kid.   I mean, I LOVE him....he's my son for hell sakes....but I didn't like him all that much.   He was becoming more work than good.    He was like a cyclone and I was desaster clean up.

He started scaring me.  and J.   We would sit up at night and wonder what kind of medication this kid would need to be on in order to enroll in kindergarten.   SERIOUSLY.   The kid is a crazy mother fucker.   I'm not kidding.   Even my mother would tell me....."I don't know how you will survive him"

On our little vacation Ryan was in true form.    He played in the mud....and there was a LOT of wet dirt/sand around.  The kind that built up on your shoes with each step.   weighing you down.   ugh.  you had to find it.   It wasn't just out the cabin door.  You had to look for the mess.

oooh he would always play in the mud moments before we were going in the car, on our way to an activity, a meal, our friends cabin.    He played in the mud and then got in my open (his sister didn't lock it) van and crawled ALL THE FUCK OVER MY SEATS and dash and console (to be fair, Nate did too).   I have no idea how that kid got so much mud everywhere....but if anyone can...it's my Ry guy and his side kick twin.   

He has also taken to peeing everywhere BUT the toilet.
He just pulls em down and lets it go.   Nathan will do this if we are outside.  it's lovely let me tell you.  just not when we are at the park eating lunch with 50 some odd people from the big boys pre school (parents/ teacher and students) fieldtrip.  Oh yes he did.  Nate just dropped trou' and let it go.   I couldn't get to him fast enough to stop the flow and once they've started there's nothing you can do to stop it.
Sadly though.   Ryan decided to pee in the kid's camp room right in the middle of the carpeted floor. 
I was building a fort with Cam only a few feet away.  
He peed in a mud puddle and then danced in it...but whatever.  
He peed downstairs from the kids camp on the game room cement floor between the lunch tables we set up and the ping pong table.   In his defense.....J had tried to take him potty but the bathroom was being used.
He got OUT of the pool in St. George.   walked to the side of the pool.....pulled down his swim trunks and let it go.  
right back in to the pool !!!!! 
OMG !   I was SOOOO embarassed.   I was also by the kiddie pool and there was no way to get to him in time...it happens so fast. and so I just acted like I didn't see it.     J had her back to him and didn't see a thing.    (oh my hell....the blood still rushes to my head just thinking about that)

I could go on and on with the crap this kid pulls.     He doesn't play with toys....he destroys them.  
You can see it in his eyes....he scans for trouble.  If you take one thing from him...his eyes immediately go walking for the next item to dump/break/throw/put in his mouth.    It's amazing to watch some days.
He runs from you.  Unless you want him to go play, and then he's stuck to your leg.   
There is just no winning.   

My body and mind were tired.   I started sharing my feelings with anyone who would listen.    I would vocally refer to him as "the little bastard" "the devil"  "spawn of satan"  "trouble"   all the while this monster with dimples was playing in the area within ear shot.
I was joking (kind of) but still.    What the hell was I thinking.

(trumpetsCHANGE !!!!
I decided to be the most happy and positive mom this kid had every seen.   I started telling him how great it was when he would only throw one of my books down the stairs.   And when he'd go to get it to throw back down.....(before throwing) I would say...."thanks buddy.  thanks for getting that book from the stairs.  that's one of my favorites.  thanks for putting it back and not throwing it again"   
He of course would chuck it back down the stairs and I would look away, blind to it all and not throw a fit and ask him over and over what was wrong with him.
And then.   I asked him with my best princess voice (for you Carey) "no buddy.....lets not dump that...mama just cleaned that and I worked very hard today...lets put it back ok."  and the mother fucker did.  He put it back.  and I squeezed him and hugged him and praised the shit out of him.
We did this for several days.   Ok....so today is several as in 3.    I've been holding him a ton.   Giving him my undivided attention.   Telling him how much I love him and what a great kid he is.  My big helper.  Such a nice brother.
Making huge big deals out of nothings.  I haven't been harsh or raised my voice ONCE in three days to the kid.
It's WORKING.   Honestly.....today, I can't tell you one thing that he did.   Not one.   He didn't pee on my floor.   He didn't make a mess.   He didn't dump anything out.    He has been the best kid.   today.

I feel like a complete schmuck and a total loser for letting it get to this point before trying something different.
I feel like such a bitch for the way I treated him and more so the way I felt.
I am also so excited to see that it's working and that with a LOT of patients, love and nurturing....he might not need medication in school at all. 
I feel like I've tried the loving mom route before.   but I wasn't as consistent like this time.   I also didn't spend the extra energy to hold him and cuddle him and tell him what a great kid he was ALL of the time.
I so hope this transformation is here to stay.    I hope that I can prove the theory that even the worst kid can be the best kid with enough love.
I mean HELLO-OH.   Isn't it I who always quotes.  "those who deserve love the least, need it the most"
I'm slow folks.  but glad I got here.

I love you Ry guy.  You make my life a lot less boring.
I like you a whole lot too.

A few pictures that we happily allowed and took of my guy doing his thing.      I mean....he has a passion for being dirty.   You gotta let them do it, even if it's on their terms.


just finished a little camping potty


also remember.  it's not even 60 degrees. 

He looks as if he was the one who got those carts behind him muddy.  Nope. 
(that was his mommies :)

I always said to him....you're lucky you're cute.   truth is.  I'm pretty lucky he's cute :)
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